Last letter
by Silver Cream
Summary: There was no need for goodbyes, no need for exchange of words; just a letter filled with emotions. Action would come next, before all one can feel is emptiness. This isn't a story which holds any meaning, only regret which lingers.
1. Unrequited

_Summary: There was no need for goodbyes, no need for exchange of words; just a letter filled with emotions. Action would come next, before all one can feel is emptiness. This isn't a story which holds any meaning, only regret which lingers._

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><p><strong><span>Disclaimer:<span> **I don't own Durarara, just messing around with the ideas in my mind.

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><p><strong>WARNING:<strong>

Character death, suicide

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><p><strong><em>Unrequited<em>**

There was no need for the exchange of words face to face; a letter filled with words could do the job. This way, there was no need for second thoughts nor doubts. Maybe he was being selfish by doing something like this. But for once, Shizuo wanted to be selfish; didn't want to hear what people thought of, wanted to accomplish.

What was his objective of doing all these? Nothing; rather, it was just simple and convenient. Saved him from all the troubles that might have happened.

"Hahaha...I wonder when it started..." Shizuo murmured softly, tilting his head as he watched the blood which flowed out of his self-caused wound. Was this what people called suicide? It had to be. With a sigh, Shizuo turned towards the wide, blue sky.

The thought of wishing that he could be reborn as a bird, crossed his mind. With a small smile, Shizuo dismissed that thought. The blonde wasn't the kind to believe in reincarnation, as it was something which one could only find in fairy tales – but this was called reality, one all so cold and cruel.

If this was a fairy tale, reincarnation would still be impossible either ways; after all, he was a monster, and monsters weren't meant to exist in this world; weren't meant to care; weren't meant to fall in love.

"Is that even called love?" Shizuo whispers to the bird which was not so far from him. The bird crooked it head before taking small hops towards him. When it stopped, it looked into his mocha brown eyes, as if it was answering his questions. It wasn't long before it took a quick turn around, searching for something.

"What are you trying to find?" Shizuo ask the bird which threw him a quick glance. The blonde silently wonders if the bird could really understand the words he was speaking of. Just the thought itself made the blonde chuckle.

The bird let out a chirp, one which was neither too high nor low in pitch. As soon as it did that, it crook its head once again. And before the blonde had the chance to ask another question, the bird spread it's wing wide open and flew away.

"Ha...what am I trying to do?" Shizuo breath softly as his sight began to become foggy and body went numb. At first, he thought that death would come simple as all he needed to feel before he disappeared was his body slowly but steadily got colder. But he didn't feel himself losing any heat, only felt his mind go blank as everything began to lose meaning.

"Oh...right..." the blonde whispers as he recalled what he had asked himself – 'When did such things, emotions began to grow within him'. Did such emotions began to grow within himself ever since their first meeting? Or was it because of how his hatred was slowly turned into affection through the years? Were those questions which possessed the answer he wanted?

Did they even posses any answers, or just something that would continue to linger till his final breath?

Shizuo closed his eyes, feeling a weird sensation grip his chest as he felt the urge of grabbing the letter written and shred it into pieces. It didn't take the blonde to realize that he regretted the actions of writing that letter. Maybe it would have been better if he had never even written down his thoughts and feelings.

However, a part of him felt at peace for doing such a thing which wasn't like him at all. Maybe he just wanted the informant to know his feelings – whether they were going to be made fun of or not. Either it was that, or he wanted to a final impression on that flea.

As much as he searched for the meaning behind his actions, thoughts and emotions, everything seem rather meaningless. But he knew the prefect reason for the actions he had just done not so long ago – to cut his wrist.

Each that which passed seemed painful had hard as those chest of his tightens. It made the air he breath felt like thousand of needles which stabbed his lungs whenever he was chasing after the informant. Made him long to touch, to hold and to even...

"Monsters can't love...he said so..." Shizuo murmured. "So what I felt can't be love." He continues. But he couldn't help but to wonder if it wasn't love, then what was it? What conditions could fit, explain the things he felt?

"But it's love." Shizuo smiles as those words left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. But he didn't care.

Since monster couldn't love, and he was a monster, maybe through death he could become human. It was silly, ridiculous and impossible. But the more Shizuo thought about it in such a way, the more those thoughts began to gain meaning. Through death, he could prove to the flea that he wasn't immoral nor a monster. That he could die just like the informant's beloved humans.

Maybe through that split second of his death, he could at least receive at least the slightest love from that flea. Just the thought of it, lifted all the pain from his chest and filled them with a sensation which gave joy to him.

"With this, I can at least be loved by him, even if it's only for a spilt second." Shizuo whispers in an inaudible voice that even his ears could catch. The blonde smiles as he felt his grip of reality slowly slipping away. But just as he was about to lose his conscious, the smile faded from his lips as he gathered all his strength to clench his fist and mouth a few words before everything turned black.

_'But a monster is still a monster, even in death...'_

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><p><strong>AN:**

Before anyone gets the wrong idea, **this isn't the end yet!** IT CAN'T BE THE END! *cough* The point is that this fic would most likely be a three-shot/four-shot. So hell no, this isn't the end! Mainly because Izaya has yet to make his appearance...


	2. Ironic

**_Ironic_**

The informant ran as fast as he could, feeling the cold air burning his lungs. But he didn't stop – couldn't. His heart felt as thought it was about to shatter; turn into dust as the wind blew it away from him before he had the chance to gather them back.

It was just a letter – just one letter which was slightly soaked. But the words written inside made him desperate; made his eyes widen in surprise and shock, turned him into someone he knew he never was; made him run towards the last destination he knew that man would be at. Izaya could feel the blood pounding in his head, feel each heavy beat of his heart and his breath that echoed endlessly in his ear.

_Please let me make it on time...please let me make it on time..._

He chanted those words over and over again, ignoring the looks people threw towards him as he bumped into their shoulder. Even when he felt the muscles pull painfully in his legs, he continued to run, never wanting to regret any more moments in his life again. Maybe it was fear he felt that made his hands turned sweaty as he grip tightly onto the letter.

If it was, he couldn't tell so because of the thoughts which overwhelmed and clouded his calmness – fogged his ability to think clearly.

As soon as he reached the building, he grabbed hold of the handle before dashing up the stairs. He couldn't slow down nor allow himself to do so. He could only allow himself to increase his speed, hoping that he wasn't too late; silently wishing that everything would just return to the good old days.

Reaching the top of the building, low grumble from the grey clouds above could be heard as Izaya heaved a sigh of relief when he saw the blonde. He took slow steps as he approached the blonde, and when he was closer, he saw something which made his heart stop as something broke within him.

"No..." He whispered, walking faster as he approached the blonde.

"No...no, no, no, no." Izaya stopped in front of the blonde, shaking his head as his breath hitched. He could feel his legs shake as he gripped even tighter onto the letter. Something cold and wet could be felt on his cheeks, before more began to fall; The rain had stared.

"Shizu-chan..." He murmured, kneeling down beside the blonde. Izaya brushed aside the golden bangs which hid the blonde's eye. At the edge of his eyes, Izaya could see the crimson liquid that began to dilute away with the cold rain drops, watched as they slowly made their way through the creaks of the floor. The informant stared at the blonde for quite a moment before he took off his jacket and covered Shizuo's body – almost as if trying to keep the blonde warm.

"Shizu-chan, what are you doing down here? It's raining. You'll catch a cold if you continue to linger." Izaya spoke calmly to the blonde, eyes fixed to his knife stained with red, lying beside Shizuo. He was too late and knows this better than anyone, but couldn't help but to continue speaking.

"Look, even the rain drops look like tears on your face. Shouldn't you feel embarrassed that you're crying before the one you hate so badly?" Izaya looked at the peaceful features on the blonde's face, silently cursing himself for being so ignorant – for not noticing this earlier. "Ha...I guess you just don't want to answer me, hmm?"

Izaya lifted his hand which held the letter, pulling it out as he opened the piece of paper inside.

"Let me ask you a question." The informant looked up from the paper, doing his best to keep his voice in the usual tone. But he couldn't, he knew his voice would creak at certain point, so all he could do was to keep his voice nonchalant – emotionless.

"Why did you apologize? I don't think I've met anyone who would apologize for loving someone..." the water which rolled down his cheeks made him feel more comfortable. Not because it could hide his tears, but it made him feel as though he was crying despite knowing that the tears wouldn't fall.

"Hey...answer me." Izaya asked in a cold voice, almost as if he was angry and desperate. "Tell me why did you choose to write it down, why not tell me face to face? Explain to me why you kept trying to hide everything inside your mind – heart? Aren't you just being selfish?"

"'It's too late and I know that I should keep this to myself till I'm gone. But I can't. I'm sorry, but I love you', you wrote..." Izaya's voice creaked, "Don't you think you should have kept it to yourself? Brought those words to your grave?"

"You're cruel, Shizu-chan. So very cruel to do this to me...why couldn't you think about how I would feel?" His voice shook as he yelled. Maybe this was the blonde's way to torture him, to torment him. Or maybe he was just over thinking.

"Do you know something? Something I always believed I would never tell you?" Izaya brought the blonde's body closer to his body before embracing it. "It's something so cruel, twisted; an ugly side of myself." He whispered into the blonde's ear, silently waiting for a reply he knows he would never get.

"To say that I loved you too. Ironic isn't it? Monster are something – someone – no one can love, but I do. Ah, no. It isn't the same love as I have for humans. It's just cold and lingering." Pushing the blonde's body away from him, he looked at the face once more before he planted a kiss on those cold lips.

"And do you know what else is ironic? It's still cold and lingering." Izaya whispers softly, hugging the body once more, silently wishing that it would regain the heat it once had.

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><p><strong>AN:**

I'm a sucker for angst/tragedy...*cough* Though that's not the point. Once again, **this is not the end** (despite Shizuo's death). The next update should most probably mark the end...Till the next chapter! :D


	3. Absolve

**_Absolve_**

Whenever someone died, what came after in this cruel reality was a funeral – one which to the informant, was only adding more salt to the open wounds of people who loved, respected and cared from the dead.

Being consider 'somewhat' close to the blonde, Izaya was obviously 'invited' to attend the funeral. At first, Izaya had planned to ignore it; shouldn't the word 'invite' sound interesting and happy? If so, why was it used for a funeral?

But in the end, he did attend. He watched as an elder lady with chocolate brown hair cry her eyes out, while an elder man with black hair held her close: it was the blonde's parents. Izaya couldn't help but to frown before he moved away to another spot. It wasn't because he found people who cried annoying or anything, but it just made him envious because he couldn't allow a tear to fall – he had his own reasons.

However, upon catching a glimpse of Kasuka, he felt rather relieved to know that he wasn't the only one who didn't cry. Sure, there were quite a few people who gathered and didn't cry whatsoever, but for the actor, his face was emotionless; as if he wasn't shaken by his brother's death; as if he didn't care about a thing.

Izaya knows that the actor was hurt and shocked by his brother's death, and that he just couldn't show any emotions. Maybe the actor was in a mess within; emotions which ran wild despite how calm and nonchalant the expression he wore. Almost the same as the informant, other than the fact that he was plastering a grin.

Being the 'annoying flea', what the blonde always called him, he skipped his way to Kasuka, wearing a smirk. He knows that it wasn't right to run the salt into a person's wound, but he just felt like seeing how the actor would react if he provoked him with his own brother's death.

Izaya spoke words of how shock he was to hear the death of the monster, how monsters shouldn't have died that easily, and much more. But none made the actor react, only those nonchalant features which locked themselves on his own. However, that changed as soon as he spoke the words he did next:

"But I guess Shizu-chan couldn't stand being a monster anymore, so he choose to take his own life; as usual, his that unpredictable..."

It was only when those words flowed out, Kasuka's expression change. It was one of annoyance, irritation and anger. The informant took a step back, eyes widening in surprise at how similar the two looked like when they were angry, before he plastered it away with a satisfied smirk. But that, too, was torn down.

"And who's fault do you think it was? I'm amaze nii-san even loved you; what's so attractive about you? I'm sure he knew if he told you his feelings, you would make fun of them." Those words came out as a surreal growl he never knew the actor could ever possess. While Izaya was busy entrapped by how the actor knew about this, Kasuka continued to glare into his crimson eyes before he whirled around; he couldn't stand being in the presence of the ignorant no longer.

_It's my fault, but yet not at the same time..._

Swallowing his slight hesitation, Izaya forced himself to smile once again as he called out to the actor.

"That's right, I would have made fun of him; who could ever accept being loved by a monster like him? I'm sure I'll kill myself once I knew about such a thing. Thank goodness he took his own life first before I even found out."

It was wrong; the words he spoke contradicted his own true emotions. But these words he spoke flowed out naturally, as if it was nothing else but the fact. Izaya had, after all, always been good at lying through those teeth of his.

Everything happened in a flash- mainly because Izaya had his guard down. Kasuka charged towards him, grabbed him by his suit's collar before forcefully bringing his face closer. He could feel the hold breath against his skin along with the rage which consumed the actor's face. It was as if Shizuo's death itself was driving people mad; turning them into someone they never knew they were; making them reveal a side they might or mightn't know they had.

"I would! That was all I ever wanted! But why did it have to be you?" Kasuka yelled into the informant's face, hands trembling because of the overwhelming anger. "And here you are, saying that you're glad about nii-san's death? What do you know about him? How can you just..." Kasuka stopped as his black bangs covered his eyes.

"Why...?" his voice sounded lost and deeply hurt; almost on the verge of insanity, or probably death. All Izaya could do was brush those first off his collar as he took a look at the many eyes which were fixed on him. Some were pitying the two, others were throwing him looks of disgust. But he didn't mind; he was a villain who couldn't deny the fact that he had killed the blonde.

"Who knows." He walks closer to the actor, bending down as he whispered into those ear. "But with this, Shizu-chan can be happy, can't he? He got to see you showing some expressions. I'm sure he would have been hurt if you continued having those expressionless face throughout his funeral."

"Just tell him that you love him, and that should be more than enough to lift the pain in your chest; enough for him to be freed and leave this world without anymore worry. You are, after all, his dearest brother..." Izaya whispers into Kasuka's ear, wearing a small smile before he pat the actor's back and walked away – leaving this ground.

He didn't know why he did such an action, maybe it was his form of a regard to Shizuo, his last gift.

_As if that even made any sense..._

Izaya chuckled to himself as this thought crossed his mind. The weight on his chest felt as if it was lifted when the sun came creeping out of the cloud and shone it's ray to the dull earth. With a smile, Izaya tucked his hands into his pocket.

"Hey, Shizu-chan...do you believe in reincarnation?" The informant tilted his head to the sky. "Do you think that we can meet again, in this life time? If yes, do you think it's possible for us to cross paths, for you to still remember me?" It was silly, but Izaya couldn't help but to smile at such childish thoughts – it seemed to relief him of the guilt and regrets.

"But I guess, that's just a child's dream..." he murmured softly, "However, I'll keep holding onto this childish dream till we meet again; even if it's after this lifetime." after finishing what he wanted to say, his eyes caught sight of the bin and he headed straight towards it before pulling out a wrinkled letter. Izaya held it for a moment before he threw it into the bin – dwelling about the past wasn't something he'll do.

"Till then, find me and tell those words in my face; not through some flimsy paper."

With that, Izaya walked away; towards whatever the future held for him – for the better or for the worst.

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><p><strong>AN:**

_"At the end of the tunnel, there'll always be a light." _I heard once...or it went something like that...*has stm (short term memory)*

This somewhat marks the end, though there's an epilogue, that can pretty much be ignored if readers are satisfied with this end. Despite being a sucker for angst/tragedy, I believe that no one can stay that way forever (contradicting the summary). So this isn't as sad as I planned for it to be...oh well, things doesn't always go the way we plan...


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